I Remember When I Was Yours and You Were Mine
by ah0y-carina
Summary: KC's a Junior now. He's on the football team, he has a girlfriend, he has a daughter. Life's pretty good for him right now, he's at least handling it. But there's a constant wonder, wonder if his life would be better if he'd never chosen Jenna over Clare.
1. Chapter 1

I Remember When I Was Yours and You Were Mine

I leaned my head back against the couch, my textbook on my lap, pencil laying on top. It seemed every year, school got harder, more drama, harder academics, the impending thought of the future constantly forced upon the Junior students. I ran my fingers through my hair as I tried to refocus on the textbook, my eyes glazing over the words, but never seeming to retain what they were trying to say. Not with Taylor crying in the room behind me, a thin wall keeping Jenna's soft hushes trying to muffle the sound of our seven-month year old little girl's cry.

It seemed my world had turned into a constant crash of those two sounds. Crying and desperate singing, a weak attempt to hush the cries.

I decided to try some formulas, reaching over for my calculator. I was stuck in pre-calc now, an AP class along the path I'd been taking since Freshman year. I closed my eyes, trying to remember how easy my first year of high school had been.

My life revolved around the simplest things; getting on the basketball team, fixing those dumb robots he would make when he was younger. The Fridays with Alli, Conner and Clare. Life is so different now, when was the last time I talked to Conner? What happened with Alli, I don't think I've seen her since, maybe, the beginning of the year. And Clare, well, I wondered what she was thinking.

Of course I've seen her in school, my first real girlfriend.

It seemed she was constantly with one of her bible-buddies, that one Torres kid— Drew's stepbrother, or her new boyfriend, the one clothed completely in black, colored nails, outgrown hair. I'd cared enough to learn his name, Eli.

I knew Clare, I knew her for a long time, and I'd never expect her to be with someone like him. They were polar opposites, she was sweet, innocent, while he looked quite the opposite. I heard about the knife and had concluded he must have deserved it, he must have really had it coming. Fitz may have been a bully, but he didn't seem crazy, not in my few encounters with him. This was one of those moments where I wondered what Clare had seen in that boy.

And then I wondered why I cared so much.

I was at my own house, not far from my own daughter, my own girlfriend singing more desperately in the next room. My life doesn't concern Clare anymore.

Then I thought came into my mind, a bothersome one that prodded along the edges of my thoughts, repeating in loud tones, forcing me to focus on it. _What if it did._ I mentally pushed the thought away, Clare was never going to be mine again, she was in ninth grade and that was it. _Even though she's gorgeous now, right? You could never love her._ The thoughts pushed against the edge of my brain again. I sighed softly, biting down on my lip.

I did wonder what life would be like if I had stayed with Clare, if I was holding her in my arms, with her bouncy curls and bright blue eyes that had always been hidden behind frames when I had seen her. If I didn't have Jenna, if I never had Taylor, if I wasn't on the football team.

My life was full of _ifs._ Ifs that I would never get to explore, not when I was here.

"KC?" Jenna's voice called from the next room, the crying hushed enough that I could catch her voice, even when my mind was only halfway there, stuck in a realm of dreams.

"Yeah, Jenna?" I called back, pushing a hand against the ground, shaking my textbook off, the pencil on top rolling off to the carpet as I stood up, flicking my hair to the side to look around. I soon noticed Jenna, leaning against the door frame, holding Taylor in her arms, who had finally settled down. She watched me, her eyes a bit concerned.

I shook my head, knowing my hair must be disheveled, I hadn't gotten any studying done, I'd been daydreaming, my eyes probably looked distant too. Jenna decided to assess that instead of what she had been thinking of before. "KC, what's wrong?"

She walked a bit closer, holding Taylor with just one arm as she reached a hand up to me, flattening a side of my hair which was probably pointing every which-way. As her hand moved back I shook my head, trying to convince her that I was just being a bit dreamy, that I wasn't focusing as I should. "No, I was just daydreaming a bit, no worries."

She raised an eyebrow, not being quick to accept that explanation. I avoided her gaze, wondering how well this girl could read me, and then figured that if she couldn't, that was indeed be a bad thing, in itself. I focused on Taylor, instead, her blue eyes staring up innocently, her small hands reaching. "Okay," Jenna finally muttered thoughtfully, although I could tell by the sound of her voice, she wasn't really believing me. Why would she?

It's a good thing mind-reading is just an element of fairy tales. Jenna would be disappointed, or maybe upset, upset that I've been wondering what would happen, if I had taken the other side of those what ifs.

It's too late anyway.

Clare's with someone else, she's in love with someone else. I am too.

No sense in wondering...


	2. Chapter 2

Sure, there was no sense in wondering about the things I was, but I couldn't stop.

Clare ran through my head, the old customs of the ninth grade doing the same. It was annoying, how I couldn't seem to focus, my mind focusing in and out, from Jenna to Clare, Drew to Conner, Marisol to Alli. Everything created a parallel, something to show the difference between now and then. Just like the Algebra II textbook I had pushing into my locker just as the lunch bell rang. I used to have A's, now I have C's. I used to be on time to everything, and well, now, that would be quite the opposite.

I shrugged and shut my locker, heading down the hall, a hand in my pocket as I did so. The slap of my feet against the tile was one of the only sounds echoing through the hallway, accompanied by a few others that sounded distant and far away from the way I'd been seeing it.

Then they sounded closer and the sound was more defined, louder and snappier, more hard than soft. I raised an eyebrow at the way it seemed to speed up and finally end as the person, running down the hall with a beanie in hand, slid in her slippery flats and took a moment to regain balance. She figured she was safe and calmed down, her walk normal.

Just a few feet away.

Really, he should have expected this kind of thing would happen to him, that he would end up standing just a yard or so away from one of the few people I'd had on my mind.

She suddenly seemed to realize what was going on and looked up, her eyes alert as she tucked one side of her auburn-y ringlets behind her ear. The beanie clutched in her hand, gray and knitted, she looked at me, her eyebrow raising. I suddenly felt self conscious, that my hair was mussed or maybe my eyes looked tired or—stop. Stop, stop KC.

"KC?" she addressed me in a sweet voice, while it was still a bit heavy, for she had just been running. "Oh, hey," Clare muttered, her voice sounded young and innocent. I remembered that voice.

"Clare," I replied in a simple voice, my eyes moving quickly over her, having to stop myself, I wasn't supposed to do that, was I? I had a daughter, and a girlfriend, someone I loved. But I was pretty sure there was a moment in my life when I had almost loved Clare as well.

Why is this just a long moment of reflection? This isn't even.

"What's that?" I asked, gesturing to the had she had crushed in her hand, folding in on itself. It probably wasn't any of my business anyway, but I did wonder, I always wondered. Like how I'd been dwelling on these what ifs, wondering what would happen if I'd chosen Clare, or if I had stayed friends with Conner. I couldn't seem to pull myself away from that.

"Oh," Clare began, glancing down at the hat in her hand and holding it up, moving it back and forth in her hands. "It's just Adam's beanie, I took it from him and, well, ran away. A little game of hide and seek, eh?"

_Hide and seek?_ I repeated mentally, noting that playful smile on her lips, the one I had never seen before. Then I tried to locate the name Adam to a person, I knew he wasn't her boyfriend, knowing his name was Eli, seeing as I actually cared that she was with him and sometimes wondering if he was good enough. Adam, Adam, Adam.

_Adam_, I repeated again as the name connected.

Sophomore year, Bianca had gone off about him flirting with her, Fitz had always been harassing him for something... something. I couldn't seem to figure that out.

"That sounds fun," I muttered, the words sounded rueful.

I regretted that, how my voice seemed to break in the slightest bit right there.

"Well, I should..." Clare began, taking a hesitant step back. I could tell she didn't want to be here, that she didn't expect us to reconnect and that she was eager to get away. Of course, right? Of course my wondering would have no effect on her, that she wouldn't want to be anywhere near me right now, she'd probably rather be playing a little capture the flag with Adam, right? "I should get to lunch."

"Yeah, me too," I muttered, although my voice was stronger.

Clare nodded and headed down the hallway from which she had game, me taken a few minutes before following her, quite a few meters behind.

**Now, I feel I must clear up some things.**

**This isn't meant to be a Kenna story, because they are far from my favorite couple. I despise them, actually, I was a Klare supporter. I'm, in a way, using this fanfiction as a way to revive something I miss, as I did with 'With the Aid of an Angel' in which I revived JT.**

**But this is not a way to reinvent Klare, however, considering Eclare is my favorite couple _ever._**

**I think it's just a voicing of what I think KC would be like in a year.**

**If he were a little more reflective.**

**Also, I'm sorry I'm so terrible at speaking in the voice of KC Gunthrie. I'm not... Well I'm a bit out of practice, to be honest.**

**Lastly, this is meant to be a short series. For, if it goes on too long, I fear it may start to lose its plotline. Just four, five or six chapters.**

**Less than ten, of course.**

**Oh, well, comments, concerns, whatever you'd like to leave me.**

**Leave me love, lovlies. **


End file.
